Saying goodbye
by Birge
Summary: It's set during the war. At the very end of it, something very unexpected happens. It's sort of how I expected the story to end, but what did't happen. It's my first story,I hope you like it. The story is more interesting than the summary. Warning: Character death!
1. Chapter 1

Hermione's' POV

We're running as fast as we can. Turning around from time to time, to see where they are or to shoot a spell, to get rid of them. But up till now, our attempts were useless. I can hear Harrys' footsteps behind me; his breathing is heavy, probably from running so fast for so long. I try to focus on the fact that for now, we're alive. The pillar a bit further doesn't seem that far away anymore. It's still intact, we could hide… _No Hermione, no, are you stupid, they will see you and Harry, and then you'll both be dead_. I take a quick glance over my shoulder to check how things are going. But when I don't spot a red-headed boy, I panic. Without realizing it myself, the wall next to me, erupts. Glass shatters and culets fly through the air, like feathers of a bird. In a distance, I hear a high-pitched voice, laughing out loud and yet again another explosion of bricks falling apart. Only after all goes silent, I feel it, the agonizing pain taking over my body. It goes through by chest; it finds its way to my spine, my muscles. After merely two minutes my entire body is boiling. The pain is excruciating. I want to scream, but no sounds are possible to be produced. I hear a voice call my name. At the same moment the pain hits my brain, is it actually possible to explode? Right here, right now? I hope not. It would be terrible to breathe your last breath here, on the ice cold floor, in one of the corridors of a place I used to call safe. My legs give in; I fight against the falling down. My hands grab the wall as fast as they can. Holding on to it as a lifebelt. But before I know it, strong hands grad me and gently lays me on the hard ground.

"Hermione, Hermione, can you hear me? Please Hermione, stay awake, it's going to be okay!"

I recognize Harrys' voice while he's pleading me to stay. He falls on his knees; I decide to nod, because it seems appropriate. But decide not to do it again. It hurts too much. Out of the corner of my eye, I can see Harry sob quietly next to me. I know what's going to happen, he knows it too, I know for sure. So with the last piece of energy I have left, biting through the pain in the process, I open my mouth and try to produce the words I have been longing to say ever since he got out of sight. It hurts so much, _Hermione, get yourself together, it's only one word, and Harry will know what to do after you said it_. My hand searches Harrys' and finds it. He sees this and squeezes mine very gently, he looks me straight in the eyes, and his tell me he knows what I am trying. He moves his head closer to mine and then I whisper, barely audible; _"Ron_."

When I open my eyes, he nods. I know he knows what I want and what he has to do, but I also know he doesn't want to leave me here alone. But in order to get me what I most desire, he will have to trust faith for a while, and get it. Because right now, I need him, I want him. I want his hands holding me tight, making sure I'm not cold. I want his soothing words comforting me, telling all will be fine.

I'm cold, the floor is freezing, the windows, or what's left of them, lie on the ground, shattered into pieces, broken. Just like Harry is. He's still holding my hand; the other one is stroking my hair. His face looks grim; his eyes are sad, full with pain. The wrinkles on his forehead reveal he's thinking of something he can't decide on. Probably deliberating whether to go and find the person I most want right now, but in order to do so leave me alone in the meantime. Or to stay here, and make sure I'm okay. Hoping someone will pass by and search that one special person for him. To help him out of this horrible dilemma, I decide to once more push my boundaries.

"Harry" I whisper, "please go find him. I beg you."

He looks down at me, face blank, a hint of sudden anger, he seems to try and find the right words to show his disagreement with my plan.

"And leave you all alone, in the open, the way you are? Are you insane" He hisses

In my head I'm screaming, _I need him, find him, I want him, now!_

Harry immediately realizes how mean he had sounded to me and apologizes. I try giving him a small smile, but it's too much for my body to handle.

"I know 'Mione, I'll go, for you." These last words our hardly spoken, they more seem like soft whistles of the wind. One last stroke of his hand through my hair, one last smile, then he stands up, ready to leave. It's at that moment we hear a familiar voice coming out of nowhere.

"Harry?" She asks, "What's goin…" She stops mid-sentence, when her eyes find me and my fragile body lying on the crumbled floor, decorated in dust.

The voice talks with urgency, I'm trying to guess who it may be. It's hard to know, I am practically deaf.

"Luna, I, I, I need to find someone, as soon as possible!" His voice sounds desperate, I want to go and give him a hug, telling him to calm down, and it's all going to be fine. _Hermione stop thinking so optimistic, your days our counted, accept it. Brain stop thinking like that, I hate it. _But I can't, I am stuck to the ground. So he just keeps babbling on about what happened and how we ended up here.

"It's Ron, I need to find him, he needs to know." That's how he ends the waterfall of words.

Luna's face, who is now visible to me, reads pity, she has it all written over her face. She turns very slowly, towards me. Yes, I'm still freezing and lying on the ground. The numbed my body, it stopped moving all the way around and back. It has settled down in a comfortable position, at least, for him. I look her straight in the eyes. Her reaction tells me she wants to look away, but it's Luna we're talking about, so she doesn't. We stair at each other for a bit, when she turns around to face Harry again. Who still hasn't left. Little steps close the already little space that was left between them.

"Harry, Ron's never going to be in time." I hear her say, while she says these words, Harrys' face becomes so hard it makes me scared.

"I have to finds him, they're my best friends, and they need one another right now. Even though there is only a small chance we'll make it back in time, I need to do this for her and him too. He deserves to have a chance, how small that even is." He says with furiosity.

"I'm telling you, it won't make a difference, she'll, well you know…" She stops talking. Now I am mad. I start screaming without feeling it coming.

"No, nooooo, I want Ron, I need him, get him, please!" The hysterical sobbing follows. _I hate myself for getting so dramatic. _At the words, 'I need him', I can see Harry flinch. Because he, and only he, knows the true meaning of those word, the weight hanging on them. Within seconds he runs over to me, squeezes my hand one very last time.

"I love you 'Mione, I'll be back as soon as possible, I promise.' He looks very serious, trying to focus. I don't react, just a tiny nod. "Luna take care of her." He continues, after those words, he sprints out of the corridor, into the deep. Luna falls down on her knees, the same spot Harry had sat. She sights softly. Her attempts to calm me down aren't really working. The corridor is yet again noiseless. We are alone.


	2. Chapter 2

Harry's POV

I can't believe she got me so far that I actually listen to her pleading. I was never actually going anywhere, because what if Luna was right. What if, it keeps repeating itself in the back of my mind, making me run faster. I don't have a clue where on earth I can find Ron. The castle in so big, though I found it quite nice. But it seems to have been years I walked these halls with no fear. I start running faster; to the point I find my limit and can't go any further in speed. I arrive in a hall packed with people, faces flash by while I run through them. My hands feel sweaty, my forehead does too. Right now, nothing matters to me. One of my best friends is... _stop thinking about it, you're on a mission! _

I can only focus on finding a red-headed boy, the other best friend, who must be found, before it's too late. It's way too crowded to run like a maniac as I am doing in my head. While I'm jogging, the fasted I can manage I scan every single face that passes me, dead or alive.

'Harry?' a soft voice coming closer whispers my name; I don't have time for small talk right now, so I don't turn around. But the voice won't let me. A hand firmly gets hold of my upper arm.

'Harry!' the voice clearly irritated, with a hint of concern says. I turn around on my heels and face the young women who said my name, twice. She looks a bit worried; her face is full of sorrow. Probably from all the pain and destruction she already had to face over the past few hours. I really would like to tell her everything is going to be alright, but I can't. Because it's not over yet, he's still not dead and one of my friends is, is… I choke; this is why I can't tell her it will be fine. Her brother is somewhere out there, not having a clue what's happening, or what happened to , I can only say, the love of his life. I look at her; she's waiting for me to speak. I can see it, she's waiting and I have no bloody words to say.

I'd rather scream at her, how it is so damn unfair yet another one of my loved ones is going to die, all because of the same idiotic man or how I am clueless to say to her brother, whose tears I will have to see, whose happy, cheerful face will soon disappear, that he has no time to waist. And when he will ask why, I can say no more then, "It's urgent!", I want to yell I'll miss her just as much, because I love her too, not like him of course, but she's my best friend too. And after that I want to shout with all my power, that I hate myself so much for even allowing myself thinking that and being so selfish.

But I don't. Instead I walk up to her and lay my hands on her shoulders. Very quietly I say. "Not now, Ginny, not now." While I say so, I force myself to look her in the eye, I see she appreciates it. She nods lightly and takes a step back. I never break eye contact, she deserves at least that. "Harry…" she starts again. I stop her. "The only thing I want to know, is if there is any possibility you know where Ron is? No more is needed for now." She looks at me, a bit confused, but asked no further questions, what makes me breathe a little calmer. I give her some time to speak, not to long though. "Ron? He, I, I,…" she seems bewildered but continues, "the last time I saw him was at the main stairs in the hall. I presume I shouldn't ask the question why?" "Right you are! Thank you." And I mean that out of the ground of my heart. I turn away, but before I leave, give her one last glance and say, "be safe, and if you see him, tell him to go to the 5th floor, someone needs him, fast!" I feel tears I never thought would come welling. But I can stop them before they break through. I see her give me a weak smile and nod in agreement.

As I turn around to face the pressing chaos again I wonder how on earth I will face Ron, what his reaction will be_, Harry, stop thinking that way, it's keeping you from thinking straight and finding him! _Why do I always get distracted like that in times like this. Very slowly I start moving again, down the stairs, I reach the final turn before the stairs he will, well I hope will be. One peek and suddenly I break, it's the same stairs she descended three years ago. That one time she had me and him speechless, lost for words after the transformation. I slowly let myself glide via the wall onto the ground and sit there, just sit. Thinking, hoping, cursing, unable to get my thoughts straight. Everything else around me seems to have taken a pause. The light summer breeze coming in from the broken window above me gives me some fresh air. Calmly I try to compose myself, again wondering what his reaction will be. If mine's like this, his will be, I do not want to think about it… yet.

After a couple minutes of supposed, but probably only for me silence, I stand up. Taking all the courage, in this case it is everything I've got to go and face my best mate. I've got a feeling he's here somewhere, very close. But I can't see him yet.

As I turn around the corner of the pillar and scan the view briefly, I freeze. My body seems unable to make any movement. I curse in myself, _bloody coward that you are, you dare to face the most powerful wizard of all times, time after time, but your own best friend is asked too much of you, is that what you call courage?_ I knew this moment would come and I thought about how he would react and how I would try to cope with it, but seeing him, only being a couple of meters away, makes me feel sick. I feel like a doctor, who comes and tells the family the bad news. But I have to, so to lighten the pain, I take one big step forward, that I am in his sight. And yes, not a second later he notices me and all his attention is drawn in my direction. His facial expression tells me he has a feeling something's not okay. I gesture with my head to the right. There is a small hallway; this is better not told in public. I can feel my breath getting faster again, much faster. My heart's pounding like a train. He comes toward me.


	3. Chapter 3

Ron's POV

I immediately notice Harry standing next to the pillar. As I drop everything what I was doing, I can see something's not okay. His face looks concerned, his eyes tell me he's thinking. But, about what? I wonder while I slowly walk towards him. He nods in the direction of the small corridor next to the hall. My heart is beating a million miles an hour. I want to know what's going on. Why is he here? Shouldn't he be with…? Oh no, bloody hell. Not good at all! Why isn't she here with him? Damn, something is very wrong. My mind can't stop thinking of all the bloody possibilities that are imaginable. _Oh no, Ron, don't think like that. She is probably just fine, right, like she always is._ Though that doesn't explain Harrys' sudden appearance in the middle of a battle, with a facial expression of a ghost. That is not like Harry at all. While I was thinking all of this, I didn't notice that Harry was staring at me all the time. That guy has weird quirks, I can tell you that. But right now, I can't start making a fuss about it. He clearly has to say something important and, well, maybe I grew out of it a little. When I look at him again, he looks not only concerned anymore, but now that I am coming closer, I can see he is somehow broken. He, he looks a bit fragile to me. Harry, broken, fragile? That is not possible, except if the news he wants to tell me has something to do with… her.

My heart races on, he's definitely in for the win. I walk closer and closer to Harry. His face's telling all I need to know with every pace I step closer to him. This is not good.

When I reach him, he turns around before I can study him closely. I think I saw a single tear rolling over his cheek. At this point I'd rather scream, make him tell me right now what the hell is going on, but I don't. As calm as I can keep myself, I follow my mate into the small corridor. There, somewhere halfway, he abruptly stops and turns towards me. At last I can see him, not just the guy I saw nearly every single day for the past seven years, but really see him. As if I am looking into him. I can practically feel what he's feeling. Though he didn't even say a word yet. My hands feel sweaty. I feel my entire body tremble, quietly I am wishing, with all the energy I have left, her name will not be said in the following conversation. She cannot be the subject, the reason of Harry's actions. It just has to be something else.

But when Harry looks me straight in the eyes, I just know, I have to stop being so bloody naïve. Deep down I know she is the one who got Harry in this venerable state. I know something's wrong with her. As I see Harry struggle to find the right words to tell me what happened. I let go of it all, close the gap between our two bodies, and hug him. I want to let him know I understand. In that embrace I want to let him know that whatever news he's bringing me, I will never turn my back on him, I will not walk away from him and last but not least, I will never ever blame him! He's my man, he loves her too. How could I ever blame him? When we break the contact, he stares at me again with those empty eyes. The sorrow is pouring out of them. He opens his mouth to speak, but closes it again. I wait patiently. While I look at me for another minute or so, he figured out how he will say it. For the first time since he showed up, he looks determined and ready to break the news.

"Ron…" says Harry, his eyes looking everywhere but at me, "Ron, something, I don't know, the wall, chased by some death eaters, explosions and then her, her…" he start crying by now, tears welling up, rolling over his cheeks uncontrollably. I am lost of words. Nothing seems to matter anymore. Carefully I pad his shoulder, not looking at him. Not thinking about a thing, just her. Why, why her. I am crying too now. Together we stand there for a while, just crying in silence. Hearing screams of unknown people in the background, eruptions, explosions, glass shattering, spells spoken, we stand in that little hallway. Together, trying to figure out what to do, what to say, how to act. As minutes pass by, I realize there is one question I want to ask. So I pick up the courage and cough very quiet, but loud enough for Harry to hear. He looks up, I am a little shocked, the man standing before me is not my best mate, but a broken man. I compose myself, knowing I am probably not looking any better, maybe even worse. Before I speak, I make sure he is going to listen.

"Is she, is she, well you know…" my voice sounds horrible, I continue, "Can I see her?"

With that last question his eyes lit up, like he remembers something.

"Yes, off course, I forgot, how can I forget what she asked? She demanded me to find you, she wanted to see you so badly, I hope we're not too late. I such an idiot."

He turns towards the hallway again and gestures me to follow. All of the sudden the tears are gone and he's back being Harry, the guy on a mission, trying to save the world. He disappears in the crowd; I follow, letting my own sobbing stop too. I am determined to see her, even if it may be last time. As we enter the battle scene again, we burry the broken side of ourselves somewhere deep and we switch back to survival. A feeling we got very familiar with the past few months. We run and dive, we don't look back. While people fall and people rise, we keep running and passing by. Our paces are heavy, our breathing is fast. I don't feel the pain of scars of the past. I am numb and feel sick from worry. Please let her still be alive when I get there.

After running what felt like forever, we turn into a hallway and Harry stops the marathon. Instead he stands still and stares. I follow his gaze, and there a little further I can see two silhouettes. One is bending over the other. The girl with long blond hair seems to be mumbling something I cannot understand to the girl lying on the floor, she's trembling. I take one last look at Harry, who is trying to keep in together, he doesn't want to know what the verdict is, I don't want to know it either, every nerve ending in my body is trying to hold me back, but my heart is pushing closer. Each and every little step I set closer to her, my heart's beating faster. I don't want to know, but I do want to know. I have to know. Luna finally notices us. She looks worried. Very, very slowly she stands up. It takes a while until she says a word.

"Harry, Ron,…"


	4. Chapter 4

The look on Luna's face, the cold feeling filling me up, the darkness behind the broken windows, his breathing I could barely even hear anymore. I felt so damn helpless, I wanted to move but couldn't, I wanted to yell, no, maybe say something, no not that either, then a whisper?

Nothing.

Lost of words, that's what I was. Speechless, forced to be dragged down, but for once not caring about the cropped feeling in my stomach or the welling tears in my eyes. I never really thought about what I would do or how I would react in this kind of situation. That kind when you lose a part of who you are, you lose something so precious to you, words aren't even enough to describe that feeling you feel at that one moment. Was it because I never expected it to happen or did I just never let my thoughts go down that road or did it never occur to me it was even possible? Well at least not like this, not now, not here, not….. NOT EVER!

Ron is impossibly still. Out of the corner of my eyes I get a glimpse of his face. It is pale, tears falling down; his eyes look a bit empty. He gives the impression of a dead man. The only thing that gives away his heart is still beating, is the fact that he reacts to my staring by taking a step forward and I think, he starts to cry harder. His sobs are excruciating for me. I can't stand it; I don't want to watch him go through this. I see him taking tiny, little steps towards her. Suddenly my head feels dizzy, my body numb, I, I feel cold, almost frozen. My heart seems to weigh a thousand times more; it is so heavy it's tearing me down.

_I can see a cliff; I'm standing on the edge, playing that game of falling and not falling. I enjoy it for a while. The sun is shining, I am truly happy; I think I can even make a smile. In the background I can hear the waves going up and down, being broken by the rocks lying in the water. I wonder how deep they go. Maybe they're just small rocks, or maybe they're huge, gigantic. Their roots lay hundreds of meters down in the dark of the deep water. I feel like falling, I want to see it, so I open my eyes and that is when I see her. She is smiling too. But I can tell she's not very pleased with my actions. I wave, but it seems she didn't see it. I wait patiently for her to come over. She is only a couple of inches away. I can see her face clearly now. The bruises on her arms too. Her open chest, at least it's not bleeding now. I can also see the scar on her arm. I get sick the moment my eyes catch it in their frame. She's wearing her ripped clothes, her torn shoes; her hair is a mess due to all the blood, her own blood. And I end with her face, taking a closer look at it. She's still smiling, but her eyes look sad, she has scars all over the place, you can barely see her own skin color, the blood is nearly covering every inch of it. She has several burns, which go all the way down her neck. She is everything the Hermione I knew was not. I have never seen her like this. I have to confess to myself, 'Harry, your best friend really looks… dead' I let myself fall._

Just in time I turn around, so my back is leaning against the wall. I give myself a couple of seconds to recover. I slowly glide down the wall, until I sit in a somewhat steady pose. And I stare, blankly, letting my thoughts go for a while. Somewhere in the distance I hear a voice, trying to say some words of comfort to the man who's probably in more pain, more devastated, more everything than me. I want to tell her it's wasted time; he won't hear a single word. But by the time I found my voice, she already figured that out and it all goes quiet.

While we sit there in silence for a while, I haven't dared to look in his direction. I'm only talking about a couple of minutes. Though I am very curious how he is doing and I know I should sort of try to comfort him, I am also terrified of what I will find. My curiosity wins, so slowly I open my eyes and I look in his direction. He's shivering, but against all my expectations he is not crying anymore! His face is hard; he seems to be lost in his own thoughts. He doesn't even notice me when I walk over and place myself next to him. I don't really know what to do, so I just lay one arm over his broad shoulder and half hug him with everything I still have left in my worn out body. It kills me to see him like this. Knowing there are no words of comfort out there, there is nothing to ease the pain even slightly.

I feel his arms getting tighter around me; it makes me smile a bit, knowing he accepts my comfort and company. And he doesn't feel the need to go through this alone.

Luna, who had been there for the time being, had subtly taken of and has given us the space we needed to channel this privately and on our own. I was grateful for that. Because right now, was not a moment to share with anyone else than the three of us. Ron, Harry and… Hermione. The latter who was no more...


	5. Chapter 5

_This scene is set at the same time as the previous chapter (Chapter 4). This is just from someone else his point of view._

Ron's POV

I fall on my knees next to her. My eyes sting as I try to push away the tears that want to come out. I won't allow it though, not now, when her eyes are locked on mine, trying to find some sort of strength in them, to carry her and me together, because she lost all her energy and has stopped the struggle to fight. Instead she lies in front of me, her eyes fixed on mine. And I know, what makes it worse to hold back those tears. Also out of selfishness I try not to tear apart. I need to have a clear view of her beautiful face, as long as possible, now that there is still a sign of some life in it. That is the moment I realize I want to see her cheeks turn pink when I touch her hand softly. Her face is covered in blood, her hair too. I am 100% sure it's all her own. What sort of disgust me. Without thinking, I take of my sweater and try to clean her face as well as I can. She gives me a small sigh and I know, if it was possible and she could have spoken up, she would have told me it as no sense, the cleaning her face and all. But I don't care; no one should be covered in their own blood. Very careful, I go on and clean the rest of her face. Slowly her own skin-color reappears from under the thick layer of blood. And I give myself a moment to smile, a very little. It's then that I see it, the wound. It's the size of my hand. To make clear how big it is, it is spread almost over her entire left side of her face. Skin ripped open, flesh showing, an unstoppable gushing of fountain of blood, the burns that are decorating the edges of the wound. I am shocked for one, maybe two seconds, before I compose myself. The pain and the hurt and the disgust and the sorrow and the…

It hits me, it bloody hell hits me. Just moments ago I was keeping myself in opium of illusions of thoughts that were never meant to be. As it sinks in, I lose all of my self-control.

I search for her hand, I find it. I intend not to let go of it, until I am ultimately sure she is in no more pain and her body will be secured from further destruction. I find her eyes again, they are still open. Only slightly, but they are. With that, I look at her, trying to give her my most loving look I know I can only give her. Trying to tell her with no words how much I truly love her. That she will not be forgotten, not by me at least. I don't say any comforting words, no loving hair strokes. Just like Harry knew, I know too, it doesn't work. And I know and she knows and just everybody who would just take a fast glimpse of her, there is no point. She is lost and there is nothing, really nothing I, Harry, she, the rest of the world can do to change it. I feel a light squeeze in my hand. I have a feeling she is indicating me she wants to say goodbye. I look at her once more, this time though, I really look. Focused on her hazelnut eyes. They are full of sorrow. I think the agony of the eruptions; the walls falling down, the glass shattering out of the window frames, shards plantings their way in her skin, all the misery she has seen up till now is finally fading away. Slowly, very slowly the life is leaving her fragile, tiny body, leaving her to rest.

Somewhere behind me, I hear feet shuffle. Harry! He's probably trying to give us some space, but I don't want space anymore. He should be here, next to be. Holding her other hand in his own. Also trying to let her go, though it is absolutely excruciating. So before I get him over here, I give myself one last moment alone with her. Carefully I lean over, give a light kiss on her forehead. While I do this, I close my eyes and try to think of those wonderful memories I have with her, of her, anything where she's involved in and I captured in my mind.

Forever.

_Instead I see a lake; it's the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. I start walking towards it, when I notice her. She offers me her hand. I take it, she looks stunning. No blood, no wounds, no burns, no pain, no nothing. As if the war had never happened. Together, hands intertwined we walk towards that lake and we look at it for a while. Eventually we take of our shoes and step into the cold water. I know it's not real, yet again one of those crazy illusions of mine, but I really don't care. The water tickles a bit, but it feels good with the hot sun shining on us. I can see little fish swimming, I also feel her gaze on me. Slowly, afraid she'll disappear the moment I face her, I turn towards the direction she's standing. The sun gives a lovely glow over her skin. She gives me a small smile and then out of nowhere, she flings her arms around my neck and hugs me as strong as she can. Clinging on to me as lifeboat. My arms wrap around her, too. Using her for the same as she is using; a lifeboat. There we stand, are both feet in the cool water, a light breeze, sun shining, arms wrapped around one another. No words are said, no tears are spilled. It's just her, me, hugging, not wanting to let go, but having to anyway. She lets her grip loosen and lets go. I let go, too. She gives me a weak smile, the girl on the floor is coming back to me. Then saying words she'll only say once, she turns around and walks away. I am sure of the bottom of my heart she said "I love you", but I'll never know._

The scene disappears and I hear those words coming from the broken girl in front of me. I want to say the back, but she seems to be choking. Her own blood? I piece of glass, what? Her hand doesn't feel alive anymore in mine. It's sliding towards the ground. I didn't hear him coming, but he's kneeled next to me. That is important, I have no energy left to do anything, not even summon him here. And I say it too, "I love you also". And she's gone. I know her face loses all the redness; it goes gray and even more lifeless than it already was.

I start crying now, I don't care anymore. I kept strong for her, to be brave for both of us. But now, there is no one more left to keep the guard up. Harry's hands find my shoulder. I don't shrug it off, what I would have done just months ago. I need him and I am not afraid of admitting it anymore. He embraces me, hugs me tight. I hug him back. He wants to comfort me. I am happy he is not so stupid to think some hollow, senseless words could even fill the emptiness and sorrow I am feeling right now even a bit. So no idiotic words are said. There we sit, two best friends, sitting in an empty hallway, hugging each other, searching some kind of comfort with one another. Surrounded by shattered glass, walls tumbled down, cold wind flying around are already trembling bodies, blood covering up most of the floor. Broken bodies, aching hearts, two young men, damaged beyond repair. Looking at third friend, her body being in the worst condition; eyes empty, clothes ripped and burned, blood still covering most of her skin, wounds making her once so strong body look almost unrecognizable. Body in total; lifeless as a stone brick. But worst of all, she's gone; she is GONE, damaged BEYOND, WAY BEYOND REAPAIR.

DEAD!


	6. Chapter 6

The next few days go by in a haze. I do remember us sitting in the hallway, not knowing what to do. Completely lost in our own thoughts. Figuring out in our own way how to cope with the tragic event. I can also recall the moment Luna walked in the hallway again, talking softly to someone. The other person, who I know now, was Ginny, had been sobbing quietly. She had been too shocked to say a word. Paralyzed just as Ron and I had been. Of course she felt, still feels, awful too. But without wanting to sound selfish, not as bad as I had been feeling at that moment, and I am not even going to start about her brother. Speaking of, I haven't seen him in a while. He's locked himself in his room and only comes out once and a while to take a shower, and sometimes, but it is a rare exception, he comes all the way down to the kitchen to get some food. But like I said, that barely ever happens. When some men came to collect us that day, telling us they would take care of the body, the body. The word makes me choke. She has a name, you know. I had asked them to call her by her name, not just 'the body'. Ron wasn't busy with that detail at all, he was holding on to her as if life depended on it. And maybe, very maybe, his did. They did soften up, the men, when they saw which state Ron was in. They could see they had to be careful with this one, not pick her up too brutal, and take care of what was left of her with caution. After all, she was one of the three faces of the rebellion. She deserved some respect. When they made an attempt of moving her, Ron got hysterical, not wanting to let her go. I had seen Mr. Weasley in the corner of my eye. He had been saying a spell under his breath. And Ron had calmed down in seconds. Hitting the floor and not protesting as the men finally lifted her up, silent tears rolling down their faces. I had known then, they had recognized her, Hermione, part of the trio. Unfortunately dead.

After all the drama in the hallway, me just staring from the corner I was sitting to the scene display and ending quite serene and dramatic all in one. I had woken myself from that private cocoon and passed all the people who were staring at me and… him. I hovered over him for a while, debating what to do next. When I had figured it out and had dragged Ron out of that suffocating hallway, up to the floor where the bathroom for head boys and girls lay. I had opened all the taps and let the water flow in to the bath. The enormous tub had been filling with steaming water and soap in at least fifty different colors. While he had been sitting there, staring at nothing and everything. Not being able to speak or move or whatever he wanted to do. I hadn't said anything either. We had understood the other ones' wishes. Silence had been the best choice then.

When all had been ready, we had been quiet for a minute. It had been an awkward moment. I hadn't known if I had to stay and help him, or let him be. Eventually, I chose to stay and at least help him take of his shoes and socks. I didn't stop and deliberate if I had to take of is blood stained sweater too. I just did, he hadn't protested. After I had ripped his shirt, it had been useless anyway. He had seen me wondering what to do and feeling a bit out of my comfort zone. The luck had been, he had noticed, and he had found his voice back again.

'It's okay Harry, I can handle this,' He had said, in such a weak voice, I couldn't make out if it was a lie or not. He had continued though, 'you go out of here and try to find some sort of comfort yourself. You need it too, you know. I know you do.' I had been speechless, he was heartbroken, probably half dead form a heart ripped in a thousand pieces, and he had still found the strength to say something like that. When I had nodded and had given him a weak smile I had turned over, heading towards the door, when I heard him say one more thing.

'Thanks.'

It had been soft, close to inaudible, but I had heard it. I it was the most sincere thank you I had ever heard. That word did not just come out of him; it came straight form out of his heart. I had walked out of the bathroom after that and had headed straight towards the lake. It had been the only place I thought I could find some peace and quiet for a while. Watching the fish chase each other had calmed me down. I had tried to get my thoughts straight, what had been utterly impossible in my mind, my life, what I had never expected ever to happen, what I had never prepared for, never had thought of, had happened that day. I wanted to run, hide, never being able to think again, get her back, and thinking it was all just a nightmare and tomorrow morning it would all be back to normal again. Maybe if she was still here, she and Ron would finally get together, they would have a nice future to think of. They would have known how deep the love for one another was rooted. But that was taken away from both of them very brutally. I did feel guilty in a way. He had wanted me; he had been dead by the time the explosion in the hallway happened. And still, she died. She died, she is dead, she will be dead forever. I can't afford to think like that.

Here I am, lying on a bed in the Burrow, alive, hunted by nightmares every single night. I don't do a lot. I mostly hang around the house, thinking, sometimes crying, not too often. The tree is the place I spent the majority of my time. No one asks me questions, pressures me to talk. They all leave me dealing with it in peace. They give me my space. And I appreciate it.

Yesterday I was outside, sitting in the garden, trying to get rid of some weed, when she approached me the first time since… Her hair had been in a braid, hanging over her shoulder. She looked distressed; I know it felt as if she lost a sister she always had wanted. It had been the first time, making an exception for Ron, that I had felt sorry for someone. But she had been looking so sorrowful, I could read the pain she was going through on her face, it had been written all over it. She loved her too. Step by step she had been coming closer, with each step waiting for a sign if it was okay to do so. She had dared to come so close; our heads were only inched apart.

"How's it going?" she had said, making it clear it was the weed she was talking about. I had given her a nod and had mumbled something that sounded like "All right, I guess." Then, she had taken my hand and had said something couldn't cope with yet. "I miss… I miss you," she had paused, "why don't you talk to me? I want to give you space, I gave you space and I know it's hard for you… but it's hard for me too, you know!" She had said the last words with a hint of anger in it, but she had caught my full attention with it. Without noticing myself, I had stood up, letting my eyes pierce hers, so she could see the anger, the agony, the every bloody emotion she wanted to see in my eyes. I demanded in silence she kept her eyes on mine. She was not backing out now, I had thought, no way. I had never meant to actually scream at her, but it happened.

"You think you're having a hard time huh, what do you think I'm going through. Did you even think about it a split second?" she had made an attempt of saying something then, but I hadn't let her. I was furious, maybe not directly at her, I know now, but she was the only person who was there, and the first person making a move to try and communicate with me. I had been full of all these feelings I didn't know I had. I feel so sorry I yelled at her like that. She didn't deserve it. I did go on in my rage thought. "I saw it happen, I saw her die, I saw someone I love yet again leaving life behind because of me, and as always, I couldn't do a single thing…" I was crying now "What do you think about that, you miss me? You want comfort? I can't give it. I just can't." the last word hadn't been more than a whisper. She had stood there in deadly silence, not feeling ashamed of letting the tears fall freely of her cheeks. I had continued, she still needed one more thing to hear. I wasn't screaming anymore by then, nor was I crying. I was in a lot of pain. The part that still had to come was one that I hated the most. It was about him and her.

It had been a very quiet whisper; "Ginny," I had said, "I'm sorry. I want to give it to you, but I can't because, because your brother is falling apart, he can barely keep it together. He wouldn't be able to cope with anything that would be going on between the two of us. Certainly no physical stuff we had planned on doing if all went well, and she…" I had choked, she had walked over to where I was standing and had taken my hand in hers, no more, "and she would still be here, with us. She would be the one comforting him in the middle of the night, when he would have another nightmare, and there are loads of them, enough for 1000 lifetimes, in the mornings he doesn't want to wake up, she would have been the one asking him to do so anyway, and he would have obeyed, because it was her who asked him. If she would be here, she would be that person for him; you want me to be for you now. She would comfort him, hold his hand, and tell soothing words when he needed them get him through the day, do everything possible to make him come alive again. But that's impossible. You understand what I saying? He lost what you still have, you may have lost it for a while, but you know it will come back." I squeeze her hand a little and go on "at least you know that person is trying his best to come back to you. She will never do that, she never had the chance to fight. He will never have that feeling you have right now, hope. You possess something what's worth so much. Keep it safe, don't give up yet. He would swap places with you in no time. She, your brother, in lover, never, future, dead, insane,…" It was then that I had broken down. And she caught me. We sat in the garden on the soft grass for who knows how long. I had gone to bed without a word. I woke up early today, because today's the funeral.


	7. Chapter 7

Ron's POV

Here I am. Sitting on this chair, on this day, at this hour, with this well selected group of people. Looking straight forward, my left hand is resting on my knee. Once in a while I go through my hair, she liked doing that; messing up my hair. In my right hand, I hold a paper. Written on that piece of paper is my speech I will have to give as opening. I didn't write down much, to be really honest, I couldn't find any proper words to describe what I wanted to say. I tried, I truly did. But nothing ever came. With the exception of some cliché sentences. But she doesn't deserve that, she was special. Not only to me, too me she was even more special, but too everyone. She had this intriguing thing that drew the attention of people. She was the girl who brew polyjuice potion when she was only in second year. She's the girl who came up with the coins in fifth year, to keep the members of Dumbeldors Army updated. She was the girl that made my heart melt every time our hands briefly touched or when she looked at me from across the common room or when I heard her voice shout my name during a quidditch match, or, or, or,… I am torturing myself. I feel tears streaming down my face, but I don't care. Nothing else matters, because she's dead. I feel a hand take one of mine. I look up who it is, and meet Harry's eyes. He looks sad and tired. I try to smile a little, but nothing comes. I can't, it's so bloody hard. I just can't do anything anymore. It feels as if all the life I had before is sucked out of my body and vanished in thin air. I miss that guy, the one who could laugh and be happy, I miss her. I really, really miss her. Everything reminds me of her. My room, where last summer me almost kissed. Before the door flew open and we abruptly stopped our little teasing game. The few books I possess remind me of how cute she looked when she was studying or reading a book she really liked. The way she bit her lip, without noticing herself. Her permanent ink stained fingers, which held a feather. The hazelnut cookies my mother baked a couple of days ago reminded me of her beautiful eyes. I broke down, again, and had rushed back up too my room. Not caring for my family in that moment.

I think of the nightmares I have every night and then I think about the young man standing beside me. He wakes up each and every time. I hate that he can't let me be. He should. I mean, I appreciate it, but the guy deserves a life. Yes, I know he's hurt. And he's trying to cope, just like me. But he really shouldn't take care of me as much as he does. He sits down and so do I. In the corner of my eye, I see my sister take place next to him. They start whispering something, I don't mind. I just stare blankly into nothingness.

I hear footsteps, as I look up to see who they belong to, I recognize the face immediately; Kingsley, our new minister of magic. He says a couple of welcoming words, gets everyone to stop talking and then lets his gaze drop directly on me. And that is my queue for show time. I slowly stand up. I can feel every single pair of eyes staring at me. If Kingsley had the room quiet, what happened when I stood up was impossible. It was as if no one dared to breathe. Not one cough or what so ever. Complete silence took over the mass of people. I don't turn around; I will wait with doing that, until I am where I have to be. Kingsley shakes my hand when I arrive and pads my back. Sweat is taking over, I feel like screaming, I can't stop thinking how much I am doing this against my will. Oh, dear, dear Hermione, why do you make me do this. I am only doing this for you though. My mind goes blank, and I give myself a second to remember her, sitting in a chair, at the fireplace, in the common room, lost with her thoughts in book. Yes that's my Hermione, forever.

Harry's POV

He stood up very slowly. It gave me a feeling of a bad edited slow motion. I could see his hands shake like hell. He was dying at that moment. He steps in the direction of his destination; Kingsley. He arrives there, they shake hands, Kingsley pads him on the back. He waits a bit to turn around and face all of us.

In that moment, form Ron standing up to him standing in the front, giving himself a second to prepare himself for the biggest challenge yet, silence overtook me, silence overtook him, silence overtook the audience, each and every soul on that grass field was holding their breaths. All together as one, wanting to know so desperately what the boy with the ginger hair was going say.

He turns around; his eyes were full with terror, obviously because of the tasked that was asked of him. He watched us and we watched him. I was in a position it was impossible to do something for him. this was his moment, the one time, the only time, the first time he would be sharing what he was feeling with the rest of the world. And the audience staring at him, probably seemed as the entire universe watching him, ready to see him fail, even though, whatever he was going to say, his words would always grace the person he was talking about and be good enough. Because the words spoken, came from the deepest core of his bleeding, broken heart. He had nothing else left, but trying to fill the empty hole that was damaged beyond repair. I knew that, he knew, his family knew too. But did the rest know.

He didn't want to do this, you know. He really didn't. He was so freaking terrified.

I felt her shift beside me. I knew that she saw it too. Her brother was about to fall apart, again. She knew it. She took my hand in hers; squeezing it so hard, I think the blood stopped gushing through my veins. I saw his father and mother holding hands, faces worried as hell, knowing it too. I start breathing faster, but not fast enough to cause any attention. I started to feel extremely nervous. My hands started shaking, my head spinning around in circles. It was then I started thinking about her. But before I could go any further then remembering her bossy tone she used to speak in when she wanted something done or when she got a bit irritated and I smiled just a little bit at the memory, I heard him cough, making it clear he was ready to begin. When I looked up, I stared straight into the eyes of a young man that used to be my best friend. Who loved to joke about everything, who laughed almost constantly, loved playing quidditch. But that boy he used to be was gone. That little boy had died alongside her. Instead, here was a young man standing before all of us, staring directly at me, who was broken by the war, torn apart by loss, a friend who was so hollow, you wondered if he was still alive or dead, but just breathing for the sake of being. He looked at me for reassurance. I nodded, he understood. He coughed one more time and after that, started to speak. The most wonderful word choices I ever heard, were said right there and then. I could feel his pain, I could sense his despair. Yes, he was dead and only breathing for the sake of it. I was sure of it.

Silence took us all in a trance, desperation dripped from each and every word he said. Love was there too, loads of it.

Ginny's POV

He started talking and it was beautiful. Harry, who was sitting next to me relax a little, I looked at him form the corner of my eye and he was even smiling a little.

In that moment I was prouder then ever of my brother. I was so so proud. He took all the courage he had and stepped forward and was talking about her, like that. With those amazing words, with so much love and agony and all those other feelings he was feeling at the moment. But he was there and making her proud too. I smiled for the first time in a while.

Ron's POV

I start talking, it feels as if everyone has disappeared, except me and her. And somewhere in the distance I can see Harry too. She looks pretty, as she always did. I smile in her direction, she doesn't move. Her eyes say enough.

I start my speech:

_Dear Hermione,_

_You will never believe how many people showed up today, especially for you and only you! But it doesn't surprise me at all though. You were amazing after all. You were a lovely person to be around, an an interesting personality, definitely a know it all, but what a know it all, a great one, a genius, no doubt about that one. Most importantly, you, Hermione Granger, you were the most amazing, fantastic, supporting, loving, beautiful, genius, courageous person I think I could have ever met in my entire life and from all the people in this world, you chose to love me and I had the great honor and joy of loving you back. We may have fought a lot during the past years, we may not have agreed about everything, but that's good, right? It's not good if everyone would have the same opinion. How boring would life be then? Where would all the challenges have gone? _

_We even ignored one another for quite a while, didn't we? But all that, doesn't compare to the unconditional, inconceivable, irrevocable, continuous love I have developed for you over the past seven years. My love for you and yours for me, you know what it is, it's priceless. No one can never ever have what we had._

I stop for a minute. It's so damn quiet. No one dares to say a thing. Not even cough or sneeze or something like that. I pause a little bit longer, trying to keep myself composed. Not letting the sadness take control over me. I feel the emptiness filling my body, so I start speaking again to fight against it.

_I, I, I, I… I miss you. I miss you so, so, so, so much. I miss the way you used to command Harry and I to do our homework in time. I miss how serious you looked when you got lost in one of your many books you read. I miss how you got all enthusiastic about that 'club' you organized, trying to get houseelves a better life. I miss how you always knew the exact words to say to me when I got all worked up. How you calmed me down and reassured me it was all going to be fine, those weeks before we left to flee, you kept me sane. You kept me going. You always had and always will. I miss how you kept the three of us together when we were on the roads for months. I miss your smile, and your laugh. Let's face it, the problem is, I miss EVERYTHING about you. Everything._

_Why can't you just come back, why can't you? Why did you have to leave so soon? Why did they choose you to kill? Why did you leave all alone, not knowing what to do with my life without you? You know you were my everything. And I know I was yours. I know we will meet again. In an alternate universe or something. But for the moment, right now, I can't stand being apart. Dear Hermione, I want you to know you will always be loved, you will always be remembered. Forgotten doesn't suite a wonderful person like you were. You will always be my true love. And you will, oh yes, you will always be missed._

_Dear, dear, lovely Hermione, I love you. I must say goodbye for now. I will always cherish you in my heart._

_Goodbye my dearests love._

_Ron. _

The room is silent and I am all alone.

Head spinning, body shaking, tears running down my cheeks, why did I have to do what I just did.

Everything goes blank, I am broken, I am dead, I am only still breathing for the sake of breathing. Why me, why her, why everything. Life is unfair, so is death. Darkness takes me over. Let me go, I want to fall too. I want to go too. But you don't let me.

Silence once again.


End file.
